I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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