yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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