Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
