I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We have started to decorate penises.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
