God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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