Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
