We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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