I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Come share oat with me in your robe
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
