I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
cat food counts as protein by the way
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
