Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
