someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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