**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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