Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize