i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
