is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The air was thick with penises
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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