I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
