This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
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He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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