You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize