just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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