just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
someone threw a dead crab at me
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
