these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
