No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
