Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who died my cat blue again?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize