i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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