using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Randomize
