Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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