So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
