Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize