oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
