i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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