I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Bring me that man meat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
