He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My dick has a subreddit
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
im on a boat
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