i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
