I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
