actually, I'm a sock model
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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