This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
