I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
