I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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