I'm really into asian looking animals
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
