i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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