So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
