I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
