there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
