Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
