Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
