Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
