I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
