Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
