another moral hangover. fuck.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
