Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
