Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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