The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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