I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
