It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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