I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Watching her eat just hurts me
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
