She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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