tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i've created a new STD.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
