What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
