JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
