She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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