So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
