I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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