mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
