I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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